Monday, 16 March 2009

Hopes, Dreams



With Mother's Day coming up, I tend to not cope very well.

I have two very healthy children. Yes, one of them does have a little Heart Condition, though you would never know, and had a cardiac ballooning at three months old, and is not needed to be seen for three years. It was not something they were looking for and we did not know it was there, but so lucky we did at such a young age :)

They are very happy and I am so grateful to have them. Though there is always one of my children that I shall never see grow up, go to school, drive me up the wall sometimes, play in the park, see marry, have his own children and kiss goodnight.


My very, very premature son. Mother's Day is a beautiful happy day, though believe me there are many tears and what ifs and whys. Mothers intuition is very strong, when I became pregnant with my little boy even at my 20 week scan which was perfectly normal, I knew I would never have him, and something, I don't know what, told me that my baby would not be coming home with me. So when I was there cradling my baby who had been taken into God's care, I felt that I knew that was his fate.

Here is a little poem which sums up my thoughts perfectly, that I read at one of the Baby Memorial Services.


Too Soon

This was a life
That had barely begun
No time to find
Your place in the sun
No time to do
All you could have done
But we loved you enough for a lifetime

No time to enjoy
The world and its wealth
No time to take life
Down off the shelf
No time to sing
The song of yourself
Though you had enough love for a lifetime.

Those who live long
Endure sadness and tears
But you'll never suffer the
Sorrowing years:
No betrayal, no anger,
No hatred, no fears,
Only Love, only love in your lifetime.


Writing here is my way of remembering my little boy. I shall visit him on Mother's Day and we shall remember him as a Family.


I shall think of you on Mother's Day, if you too have lost a little baby, I shall think of you on Mother's Day if your Mum is no longer with you, I shall think of you on Mother's Day if you are trying to conceive your own special baby, I shall think of you on Mother's Day if you are spending time with your own precious Mum, I shall think of you on Mother's Day spending wonderful moments with your own children. It is indeed a day filled with many wonderful hopes and dreams.

One thing I have learnt is that there is always Hope, when I became pregnant 5 months after little boy was born, my I needed bucketfuls of Hope that my baby would be alright, and thankfully he was, yes very small 3lbs 1oz, but he was alright, here and safe and we brought him home 49 days after he was born. If we don't have hope, we have nothing.


Here is one of our Family Sunday Traditions, and we shall indeed be eating our way through some lovely scones, on Mother's Day. We like to have every Sunday sitting together as a family eating yummy scones, rather like the Family roast, but without the roast :)




Enjoy your Mother's Day.


Take care my lovelies...


X

56 comments:

  1. Mary that was a beautiful post, very special. I shall be thinking of you on Mothers Day xxx

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  2. I, too, will be thinking of you on Mothers Day. Big hugs from me. ;-)

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  3. Big Hugs from me too, a beautiful post and my heart is with you.
    ♥ Teresa

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  4. Thinking of you and Joshua - as I will do on Mother's Day. x

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  5. That was beautiful - I have been extremely lucky having had four full term healthy babies however our little grandson Charlie has to be watched carefully as he has an enlarged kidney picked up on a pre-natal scan. He visits Great Ormond St regularly for check ups and all seems to be OK. My darling daughter Lala is a midwife so is there to share the joy and grief of childbirth - I will never forget the day she witnessed her first stillbirth - her face said it all and she cried buckets. Birth and death - the only certainties in life and we may not always understand why and when we are chosen to endure the heartache. Remember your little one and treasure the time you have with the others as they are too soon grown up. Have a lovely Mother's Day - Debbie x

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  6. What a lovely post. Will think of you and your family on Sunday.

    Victoria xx

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  7. Oh Mary....A lovely touching post.....I'll be thinking of you....

    Big ((((HUG)))

    Love Melxxxxx

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  8. Very strong and brave of you to open your heart to us like that. I had no idea. I marvel at the strength we mother's can muster in hard times. Hugs.

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  9. thinking of you Mary
    lots of love and huge hugs
    (((((((xxxxxxx))))))

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  10. Lovely post Mary, big hugs xxx

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  11. Lots of love sweetheart, and I too, shall be thinking of you x

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  12. What a lovely post Mary.
    So touching. I'll be thinking of you on Mothers Day.
    Take care.
    Nickyx

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  13. Mary darling {{{hugs}}} I will be thinking of you on Mothers day xxx

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  14. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. I know I have in no way suffered as much as many others have but I lost a pregnancy at 7 weeks and it was the most painful yet humbling experience of my life. I'll never take for granted what I have and my heart goes out to all who experience such awful sadness.

    Lots of love to you

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  15. Mary, what a beautiful post. You are very brave to share with us like that. I will be thinking of you on Mothers Day

    Hugs

    April xx

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  16. Such a beautiful post (((((Mary)))))

    I shall think of you too xx

    Love and blessings
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  17. Don't know what to say, Mary!
    What a beautiful post.
    Hugs,
    Marianne.

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  18. A post from the heart, beautiful!
    If you lived nearer I would give you a big hug, as you don’t I will send it through the computer.
    I will be thinking of you on Sunday Mary…love Lou xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  19. You know my thoughts are with you always Mary.
    Sending lots of love and ((hugs)) your way.

    Beki xxx

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  20. what a moving post. You are such a special person, and spread so much warmth, and it shines through your blog. You are a terrific mum to your lovely littleys. xxx

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  21. Hope is such an important part of life. ((((Hugs)))) remembering your sweet baby boy with you, always part of your family, always part of your heart.

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  22. That poem was so ovely, i wil be thinking of you on mothers day too! x

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  23. Hugs to you Mary, will be thinking of you. x

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  24. I was so moved when I read this post that tears sprang up in my eyes. Thank you for sharing such heartfelt emotion. It is humbling to read and I too will be thinking about you on Sunday. Love Salx

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  25. A lovely post.Brought tears to my eyes reading it (((hugs)))

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  26. Thank you Mary......your so kind to think of me!
    xxxx

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  27. Aah Mary, big, big hug.
    I found it very hard deciding to try for another baby after what happened with my last pregnancy. But it was a bit now or never and so I had to just hope that all would be ok next time. And if it wasn't, well at least we tried. I'm now 27 weeks and with every passing week my hope grows that all will be ok this time round.
    Have a wonderful Mother's Day with Mr Poppins, the kiddies and loving memories of little Joshua.

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  28. Lovely post. Do you know what I have been thinking about everyone who wants to be a mum and cant be. It must be soo hard. I have had 9 miscarriages and my last son was a twin, the twin died in utero early on like my other miscarriages. I always get a bit emotional about it all. I think it is good to remember what we have lost then it makes us treasure what we do have even more. I have 3 children who were a struggle to get but boy was it worth that journey. Love and hugs to you Poppins pal.

    Love emma xxxxx

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  29. That was a very touching post and has really made me think...I felt a little lump in my throat on reading this post.
    Sending you a hug and a squeeze.
    Love from,
    Carol xxx

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  30. Thank you all for taking the time to write such lovely words, it means more than I could ever say :)

    Mary

    X

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  31. What a lovely poem & way of remembering Joshua. I'm having a good sob at the moment.... Will count my blessings tonight & have you in my thoughts on Sunday.

    Love & Hugs Lydia xx

    * My daughters middle name is Hope, and she is all I could have ever hoped for.

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  32. Big, massive hugs to you, hun x You are a very brave person. This happened to my sister in law twice, but eventually she did carry full term, and Jade is almost seven now.
    Will be thinking of you, on Sundayxx

    Sharon xxx

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  33. Big fat tears are falling after reading your words. Happy Mothers day to you too sweetheart xx

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  34. I came across your blog after seeing a comment you left on another blog. I am relatively new to blogging, and hope that you do not mind that I stopped by.

    I felt compelled to comment after reading your last post. My heart goes out to you at losing a baby. I have two children, one six and a half, and one nearly four and I am 21 weeks pregnant with my third. I have suffered from three miscarriages in my quest to extend my family from one child to two, and then from two children to three. I know that this cannot compare to actually losing a baby, but I still feel the losses even now.

    It breaks my heart that some people are desperate for children, and for some reason, can never have them....I too will be thinking of everyone on Mother's Day.

    Enjoy your special day.

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  35. So Beautiful
    Your lovely tender poem from the heart. How lovely of you to think of and reach out to others. And how lovely that hope gifted you. I am very moved. I will be thinking of you on mothers day xx
    Warm thoughts
    Sumea

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  36. So very very sorry you lost your baby. Blessings to you. Rachaelxo

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  37. Mary you have an award on my blog xx

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  38. Very heartfelt - lots of love

    Sam xx

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  39. I am finding hard to put into words all that I'd like to say to you after reading your post. So I will just say thank you and send a big virtual hug. x

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  40. Thankyou for the lovely comments, and the lovely thoughtful gift. You can write me a love letter anyday! :D I know we are all very close on the forum, but I do feel especially close to you and a few others. You are a very lovely lady
    XXX

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  41. Sending lots of hugs your way, that was a beautiful post and my heart goes out to you, especially on Mother's day.
    Julia xx
    ps. Seems trite to mention this but since you asked about the hyacinths I thought I'd give you my advice, for what it's worth. I put 3 pea sticks cut in half into the pots and tie string/ribbon around them to hold up the hyacinths. Hope this helps x

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  42. Hi Mary

    This is my first visit to your blog and I was very touched by your post. I was only thinking today that I never imagined I would be sitting at the kitchen table talking to my beautiful 12 year old daughter Molly(she herself having had major heart surgery) about my first miscarriage. There is always hope for everyone who has lost someone so very dear to them.
    I think it is amazing that there are so many people out there on the world wide web who like just the same things as me and have lives so parallel.
    All the best Sam

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  43. Hi Mary

    This is my first visit to your blog and I was very touched by your post. I was only thinking today that I never imagined I would be sitting at the kitchen table talking to my beautiful 12 year old daughter Molly(she herself having had major heart surgery) about my first miscarriage. There is always hope for everyone who has lost someone so very dear to them.
    I think it is amazing that there are so many people out there on the world wide web who like just the same things as me and have lives so parallel.
    All the best Sam

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  44. Thankyou for the lovely comment, I agree about the hearts, much less fiddly. I shall be doing them like this from now on! Hmm do you really need a tute for the keyring??? I am sure you could work it out...it was easy! Should I do a bloggy tute or a SCC tute? X

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  45. Just popped by to say Hi and let you know I will be thinking of you on Sunday and sadly a fair few other bloggers aswell.
    Take care sweetie
    Love and hugs
    Beki xxx

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  46. Thinking of you Mary, take care
    Kimx

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  47. Hi Hunni

    Hope you're all feeling better now,((hugs)) being sent your way. I think the nice sunny weather helps a bit.

    Looking forward to Mrs Postie coming.

    Love and hugs
    Beki xxx

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  48. Thank you for sharing such an emotional story with us all - it was very touching and my heart goes out to you - have a special Sunday - Natalie x

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  49. Sending you a hug for tomorrow.

    Lx

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  50. My thoughts will be with you today Mary, a big hug from me!

    Love Lou xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  51. I have a little surprise for you over on my blog!

    Hope you've had a good day.

    Big ((hugs))
    Beki xxx

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  52. Mary I have chosen you to recieve a runner up heart in my giveaway!!

    Email me on how you would like me to make it.

    Hope you had a nice Mothers day.

    Clare

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Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. X