With Mother's Day coming up, I tend to not cope very well.
I have two very healthy children. Yes, one of them does have a little Heart Condition, though you would never know, and had a cardiac ballooning at three months old, and is not needed to be seen for three years. It was not something they were looking for and we did not know it was there, but so lucky we did at such a young age :)
They are very happy and I am so grateful to have them. Though there is always one of my children that I shall never see grow up, go to school, drive me up the wall sometimes, play in the park, see marry, have his own children and kiss goodnight.
My very, very premature son. Mother's Day is a beautiful happy day, though believe me there are many tears and what ifs and whys. Mothers intuition is very strong, when I became pregnant with my little boy even at my 20 week scan which was perfectly normal, I knew I would never have him, and something, I don't know what, told me that my baby would not be coming home with me. So when I was there cradling my baby who had been taken into God's care, I felt that I knew that was his fate.
Here is a little poem which sums up my thoughts perfectly, that I read at one of the Baby Memorial Services.
Too Soon
This was a life
That had barely begun
No time to find
Your place in the sun
No time to do
All you could have done
But we loved you enough for a lifetime
No time to enjoy
The world and its wealth
No time to take life
Down off the shelf
No time to sing
The song of yourself
Though you had enough love for a lifetime.
Those who live long
Endure sadness and tears
But you'll never suffer the
Sorrowing years:
No betrayal, no anger,
No hatred, no fears,
Only Love, only love in your lifetime.
Writing here is my way of remembering my little boy. I shall visit him on Mother's Day and we shall remember him as a Family.
One thing I have learnt is that there is always Hope, when I became pregnant 5 months after little boy was born, my I needed bucketfuls of Hope that my baby would be alright, and thankfully he was, yes very small 3lbs 1oz, but he was alright, here and safe and we brought him home 49 days after he was born. If we don't have hope, we have nothing.
Here is one of our Family Sunday Traditions, and we shall indeed be eating our way through some lovely scones, on Mother's Day. We like to have every Sunday sitting together as a family eating yummy scones, rather like the Family roast, but without the roast :)
Enjoy your Mother's Day.
Take care my lovelies...
X
