Her is my son, many a tear rolled down my cheek when he was in hospital from being born so prematurely, and there were real times when I thought I would never be bringing him home with us....
Daddy's first cuddle....
Mummy's first cuddle....
I wished so very hard that Miss. Poppins would this time, get her own special wish and indeed bring a very much wanted little brother home to play and squabble with....
Friends and family came to say hello to him, and would say he was the smallest baby they had ever held....
Daddy was so much more confident holding him than I was....
Miss. Poppins celebrated her first day at school whilst he was in hospital. I can't believe she is only 4 years old in this photograph, she is now 8 and looks so much older, well apparently they do grow up don't they....
Well our wishes came true and we brought him home. Here he is on his first night with us at home, his 42nd day of life....
He grew bigger day by day, I loved taking photographs of him when he was asleep and kept having to pinch myself that he was really here, safe and well and home....
I was kind of getting used to having him around when after 2 weeks of him being home with us my life changed I think forever, and my fear of loosing him began, and is here to this day....
He suffered what is sometimes known as a blue do, or technically an ALTE, apparent life threatening episode. He went blue, then grey, and stopped breathing. I screamed. We couldn't find any of our two telephones to ring for an ambulance, so I ran to a neighbours to use theirs. One of the reasons I think why I love my new old fashioned telephone so much, I ALWAYS know where it is. Whilst I was telephoning an ambulance in my lovely neighbours home, my husband brought him back to life and all this when he wasn't yet 5lbs in weight.
After a little journey to hospital in the ambulance, where I think I needed more oxygen than my baby, and some hours in hospital, it was explained to me that these episodes can be quite common in premature babies. I also found out that there are different grades to these episodes, sometimes the babies go blue, then grey, then sadly white, not good. Master Poppins had definitely left the blue stage, he was a horrible, horrible grey. So, I thank God with all my heart, and my husband, that he was brought back to be with us. Thinking back, both myself and my husband thought we had lost him.
It took me a long, long while to trust myself again to look at him happily sleeping in his little crib, truthfully maybe months. Something I so enjoyed doing when he first came home with us. I think a mother could watch her little baby sleeping forever, I know I could, and yet here I was at war with the world because I felt that a beautiful pleasure had been cruelly snatched away from me. Even though we had one of the special alarmed mats, I kept seeing the image of him, like a rag doll, and all I could imagine was seeing him like that again if I peered over to gaze at him. I am so grateful to my family and friends who helped me learn to accept that yes it may happen again, but it probably wouldn't and to enjoy the time spent with him. So, I slowly bonded with him and the blue do episode became a distant, yet painful memory.
His Christening was a lovely, special, moving day. All dressed up in his posh outfit. He even had little silk bows on his socks :)
And here he is, a proper little boy, who yes, drives me nuts sometimes :)
So you see, sometimes, posting about all the frilly stuff seems a little silly and unimportant to me, though I do so enjoy sharing with you all my crafty, thrifty stuff, sometimes, sometimes I like to share with you a little of the real life stuff too....
X
Your family are beautiful. You are blessed.
ReplyDeleteI hope you all stay healthy and happy.
What a special boy Master Poppins is, his hair is just adorable.
ReplyDeleteAnd not forgetting Miss Poppins looking fabulous in her new school clothes.
Thinking of your MIL at this time
Victoria xx
Ive just cried while reading that, but in a good way :) you poor thing i can not imagine what that was like. Thank you for sharing
ReplyDeleteOh Mary I feel it with you to an extent. I look at my son and can't believe he was so tiny and born so early. My son did so well in SCBU and lucky he grew day to day with no real scary moments, but we were next to families who weren't so lucky, and it was heartbreaking to see that some mothers didn't get to take their babies home when you had been with them day by day and got to know them. Your son and daughter are adorable, and although I seem to be moaning a lot about my eldest at the moment, I always remember just how precious and strong he really is and that's all that matters x
ReplyDeleteI have tears running down my face, I am so with you about health, then happiness. So painful, so hard, to lie awake at night, eyes heavy, listening for each breath or moment, willing yourself not to sleep. The guilt of what did I do wrong, why has this happened. Please give Master Poppins a hug from me and I am praying and thinking of your MIL. With love as always
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely post. I cried a little bit too! You have gorgeous children. It does make you appreciate what is important in life. We have done a couple of hospital dashes with our children and I don't think the fear ever leaves you. x
ReplyDeleteWhat lovely children!! You went through so much. It's amazing how resilient that little man was!!
ReplyDelete(((Love and hugs to you all)))
(((MIL too!)))
Sharon xx
I couldn't agree more - if you don't have good health then it seems it's impossible to enjoy life. It's worth taking a moment to realise this and not to take it for granted. FAb post as ever !
ReplyDeleteSometimes we forget what is really important... But theres always someone to remember us of it!
ReplyDeleteYou son and daughter are beautifful!
I love to follow your blog...
Kisses!
What a lovely little family you have!
ReplyDeleteA wonderful post!
I hope that your husband's mother will soon be on the mend!
Hugs xxx ;-)
That was such a moving post. The photo of your son on the furry blanket is just beautiful.
ReplyDeleteR x
You have really been through it with him. Thankfully your story has a beautiful ending and a wonderful and adorable little treasure to go along with it. So happy that he is such a grown up boy today! Both your kids are adorable.
ReplyDeleteKate
Oh Mary,
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful family you have. I am so glad that you have in the end been able to enjoy being with your gorgeous little boy. I can relate to your fears in a lot of ways, although my journey has been different.
Not a day goes by (even when they have driven me mad) that I dont look into my girl's eyes and be thankful that I see our future glittering still there.
Love to all your family. Hope your MIL gets better soon.
MBBx
I do hope your Mother-in-law is well looked after and makes a very speedy recovery.
ReplyDeleteYour photos are lovely Mary, it is horrible having to leave one of your babies in hospital and return home. But you have done so well and should be very proud parents, your family is beautiful.
Carol x
When you have near death experiences with yourself or your children it makes you look at life much differently. I am so glad that your little boy did so well, he's such a cutie. Thank you for posting this, health and happiness is truly important.
ReplyDeletetheprairiegirl.com
Such a lovely little boy....((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteMelxxx
Oh Mary, I do remember those days well. Those horrid days of leaving your precious bundle(s) in the capable hands of the special care staff to spend some precious time with another small child at home needing your attention and not knowing for the lie of them what was going on.
ReplyDeleteI am so pleased that thankfully all have grown up fit and well and thank god for their health and happiness.
I am sorry to hear about your mother in law and hope she will make a speedy recovery. Thinking of you all.
Rachael XX
What a beautiful post. I'm so glad it has a happy ending. I was beginning to expect the worst! What a blessing for you to have a "drive me nuts" little boy! He's adorable!
ReplyDeleteHug them close to your heart while they are little, because one day they'll think they're too big for hugs! I miss my two being little!
ReplyDeleteLots of love xxxx
I honestly cant imagine what you went through during those days with that sweet little boy,its honestly too much for anyone to have to cope with.he looks like such a cheeky little man now and your daughter looks so proud to be his big sister in that picture.im sure your a stronger and closer family for it.
ReplyDeleterachel
x
Your post brought a tear to my eye. Good health really is a precious thing.
ReplyDeleteYour children are beautiful xx
huge hug sent to you xxx
ReplyDeletemy W was rushed to hospital aged 4 weeks I remember that feeling of fear and helpnessness - me particularly helpless as I went into shock so needed looking after a bit too...he's 12 now..had no further medical problems but I have never really got over that night so I can't imagine the worry you have gone through over the past 3 years xxx
Sending your mil get well wishes xxx
ps - you should be really proud - you sure do make beautiful children xxx
Gorgeous photographs Mary and thank you for sharing them, and the story behind them :) xxx
ReplyDeleteWell done you for sharing such a private family story. Tears are running down my cheeks as I type. We all need the frilly stuff, but you are right about the rest too. Lovely blog V x
ReplyDeleteHi hun....I can only relate to your story a little when we nearly lost our son at six months. He had life threatening croup. He's a healthy 19 year old now. Previously to having him we lost twins....a very sad time of our lives.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you....you have a beautiful family hunny.
I do understand what you mean about looking at things in life differently.
Enjoy every day with your loved ones hun... and smile at all the cherished memories.
Hugs hugs Karen x x x
What a special post, and the pictures of Master Poppin's, with his peachy prem baby soft skin... & what a handsome little man he is now!
ReplyDeleteIt must have been such a frighetning time for you all.
Life is something to be treasured, but to be balanced with living it too. Sometimes a hard thing to do, when you've had the early times you had.
Be proud of your little ones, you did a good job - practically perfect in every way!
Hope your mums health improves.
Extra big hugs
Love Lydia
oh hunni I can't even begin to imagine what that must have felt like.
ReplyDeleteIt is easy to forget what is important in life I do moan about my little monster but do you know what I'd be totally devistated if I had to be without him and I thankyou for reminding me of that.
You have to gorgeous young children and you have every right to be very proud of them both.
(((hugs)))
karen
I had a similar experience with my first son when we thought we might lose him. Remembering these times puts life in perspective doesn't it and reminds us that the 'frilly stuff' is the icing on the cake of life - and not the filling, which is our family, of course.
ReplyDeleteyou know i just want to cry reading your post... you have been through so much, and your children are just beautiful.. i think when you have a new born baby its scary at the best of times.. i was forever checking to make sure they were breathing, to hot, to cold.. its such a joyous time but really frightening to becasue they are so vunerable .. but with your little boy it must be have been doubly frightening aswell..
ReplyDeleteim sure it has brought you all so much closer together now..
miss poppins looks like a beautiful little girl to xx
xx
You have a wonderful family, and I wish you lots of love, luck and happiness for 2010.
ReplyDeleteMy friend had a baby 10 weeks early back in November. She is now home and doing well. I honestly cannot imagine what it must be like to have such a teeny baby. It must be very scary at times.
Thankfully all of that is in the past for you now, so try to enjoy every moment with your precious children.
Lots of hugs x
Hello Mary,
ReplyDeleteYou are too right about priorities. My mother died this month on the 3rd, it makes all other things insignificant. Tell you husband to hold his mother real thight next time you visit her.
Thank you for the story and pics of your little boy.He surely is a special little guy.
Take care,
Marianne.
PS
I can see now that I didn't visit you blog for too long. The new lay out is beautiful.
A truly moving post.Thinking of your MIL.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, wasn't he just so tiny. I sit and watch Tiddler sleeping and remember how worried I was throughout my pregnancy as to whether we would make it through the 9 months ok. Losing a baby really does put everything else in perspective. And though you know that the same situation probably won't happen again it's impossible not to worry about it. I do so hope your MIL gets better very soon.
ReplyDeleteWhat a pleasure to read your heartfelt post , thankyou so much .
ReplyDeleteHi Mary,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement!
So you are a knitter - well you kept that one quiet!
I hope you are going to show us your scarf. I used to know how to knit but have lost the knack for it. If that mag is still on the shelf in two months send it my way hehe! :D xx
Yes it definitely is ok with me! We all love nice things in our life, but life isn't all nice, it is sometimes painful and scary too. You are so right about health being so important. I found that out when I was diagnosed with cancer. it certainly makes you think of priorities! you can have all the pretty things or money in the world and it means nothing without your health and family! Deep and meaningful is better than frilly I think! suzie xxx
ReplyDeleteYes, we do want to hear about the Me. It is what makes blogs human... what makes them worth reading.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that your little boy is Ok. My heart was in my throat when I was reading about you running to the neighbors to make that emergency call. I am sorry about your MIL... If only we could stop time and keep everyone precious close to us, healthy and happy forever.
Golly, you got me all teary-eyed there. Isn't he a handsome chappie though! I'm SO glad it all turned out ok. Thank you for sharing something so personal. My SIL is fighting for her life in hospital as we speak, and what with what's going on in Haiti, I keep reminding myself I am very lucky indeed to have my health and that of those around me. Take care!
ReplyDeleteJen www.wagwaan.typepad.com
Such a lovely post, with a very happy ending. Your little boy is gorgeous. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteNatasha
Mary what a beautiful post it made me tearful and what beautiful children you have. I wish more people in this world would treasure their children x
ReplyDeleteI can't imaging how hard those first few months must have been. That post was truly touching. You have a beautiful family. Master Poppins looks like a proper little tinker ;O)
ReplyDeleteGlad I found your blog today.
B x
I had tears in my eyes reading that. What lovely children you have. I can't imagine what it must be like not having our own children. We've not been blessed with that unfortunatley, I've just got plenty of neices and nephews to love instead. I hope your mother in law is soon out of hospital and you get your kitchen finished.
ReplyDeleteJust love dropping by and finding out what your upto your very tallented. Jenny x
You have two gorgeous children!!!
ReplyDeleteMy own son was premature and tiny!! It was a terrible time!!! But he's a strapping 29 year old now!!! Things do get better!!!
xxxx
Oh I can remember those day's well.. I myself had a prem baby Charlie who was born 28 weeks and weighing in at 1lb 13oz.. The pictures brought back so many memories, some happy and some of despair.
ReplyDeleteThe good thing is like your son Charlie has grown up into a wonderfully handsome man (he is now 16 and bigger than me lol!).. He does have a few problems, the biggest being a teenager with attitude lol, but like so many others I feel blessed to be given such a beautiful child.
There are so many babies that are born prematurely and each parent who has been through this can read your post can relate to your story. Thank you so much for sharing your baby with us, it is an inspiration to many who may experience this..
Awww !! your kids are too cute and sweet !! God bless your family!! Take care!! Memory foam pillows
ReplyDelete