Precious

When it comes to favourite baby photographs of our little Master Poppins, there is only one photograph that I am always reminded of. It was taken at a very emotional time. With him having been born 11 weeks early, and myself being asleep for his birth which was via an emergency caesarean, it wasn't exactly a 'normal' pregnancy and birth. I really didn't know when I signed those papers to agree to the section that I would see my son alive. I awoke to the face of my husband telling me he was here, safe, and although being ventilated, was downstairs in the SCBU unit being looked after by the wonderful team of doctors and nurses. I cried many a tear of relief after hearing the news and couldn't wait to meet him, my precious and much longed for son. Even now, 6 years later I can't believe I have this little man in my life and his arrival was so much the more poignant having lost his special big, brave brother only 14 months earlier, when he was born so very prematurely himself at nearly 26 weeks gestation.

Master Poppins weighed 3lbs 1oz, was a little fighter and soon he was off the ventilator and coping well. All in all he was in hospital for over 40 days. I used to take my milk in everyday to feed him, like a protective bird feeding her poorly chick. When they finally told me, when he was nearly 5lbs in weight that we could take our little chick home I don't think I could believe it. Only the year before I had had to leave my first little son in hospital, never to come home. The pain of leaving with your baby not in your arms, knowing you shall never see them grow up never leaves you, and walking through those hospital doors without my son is a memory etched in my mind forever. I must have been the happiest woman on the earth when, at last I was told Master Poppins could come home, his beautiful big sister finally had her wish of a younger sibling to love and help mummy look after.

The extra poignancy of this photograph I took of him when he first came home from hospital, is that only days later I thought we had lost him. He suffered an ALTE and it truly gives me the shivers just thinking about it. He stopped breathing, went limp like a rag doll, and went the most awful grey colour. My wonderful, wonderful husband took over and helped bring him back to us. I shall be eternally grateful to him for coping the way he did in that situation when I just went into panic mode. The ambulance turned up, blue lights flashing and after a short spell in hospital was back home with us again. Something like that never leaves you and even now, as a big strong 6 year old, I often find myself having a little check on him in bed. So here is my most favourite photograph of Master Poppins, one that is truly treasured....

Over protective is probably an understatement when it comes to how I feel about Master Poppins, and I am not ashamed or embarrassed that I feel this way. I know he shall have to be let loose of my apron strings one day and when that day comes I shall wave him off proudly and thankful that he was given to me. He is of course not mine to keep but must make his own way in life. These short years I have him at home I shall indeed enjoy and relish the cuddles, the connection we have, the relationships he has with his sister and daddy.

And when the time comes for him to leave home and make his own footsteps in life I shall look at this precious photograph of him and smile....

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